What comes to your mind when you think about romance and relationships?
Do YOU feel romance in your relationship? What might you YOURSELF offer so that you might give and receive romance in your relationship?
Do you know of any loving, romantic interlude your partner longs to experience?
If you don’t know, have you ever asked your partner what that might be?
Surprise your partner…Ask them…tonight…
We all experience periods in life where we feel our stress level soar, don’t we?
It could be emanating from our jobs, our business, our marriage, our kids.
We feel out of control…vulnerable…powerless to ease the stress. After all, our jobs, businesses, marriages, family are complex life situations we can’t simply “check out of” when we feel some heat!
The Roddys discuss Step #1 to easing stress…Reflection and Responsibility!
It’s so important for couples to thank one another for all the helpful things we do to keep our marriage, our hearth, and our health on a positive course!
It matters…it matter a lot!
“Use what talent you possess. The world would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang loudest.” ~ Henry Van Dyke
Much of the last decade, I went through a dark night of the soul. I felt like a failure.
Yep…
I replayed these desperate thoughts: “I’m getting older, it’s the beginning of the 21st century, time is running out for me. By this age…
Shame. On. Me.
Wanna know what brought on these recriminations? I have one major talent, a talent I’ve known about most of my life, a talent that when I allow its expression, brings me immense satisfaction, peace, and joy.
But much of our culture thinks my talent is…worthless, because my talent isn’t razzle/dazzle. It can’t be bottled, packaged, marketed, hung on the wall, and sold to the highest bidder.
So I was stuck in this loop of thinking, “Since our culture views my talent worthless, I need to give it up, concentrate on cultivating another talent, one the world will value. To do any less is to be a failure.”
Yesterday, while having lunch with Dara Moore Beevas, I was reminded of my talent, how much I love expressing it. As I listened to beautiful, brilliant, young Dara speak of her longings, her joys, her frustrations, her satisfactions, my mind drifted back to that night 4 years ago, and the event that ended my self-shaming…
“The struggle to learn to listen to and respect our own intuitive inner promptings is the greatest challenge of all.” ~ Herb Goldberg
Dianna giggled. “Wait a minute, Mrs. Roddy! I find that hard to believe. You’re kidding, right? You’re telling me you didn’t always ‘trust YOUR gut?’”
I laughed too. “Now don’t roll your eyes when I say this…when I was young and cute like you (she rolled her eyes)…yes, I felt bewildered at how often I had that stomach churning feeling. That feeling that warned me a person or situation was wrong for me, and I jumped in anyway. I’d say to myself, what do I know? It can’t really be that bad! The results of that nonchalant behavior fluctuated between merely annoying to incidents of heart wrenching disaster.
Dianna’s eyes opened wide. “You mean ‘disaster’ as in….”
Ancient history. Memories of wounds long healed but not forgotten.
“Disaster as in people deeply, deeply hurt. But mostly disasters that didn’t have to be disasters had I listened to the screaming voice within. That, I think is the worst component of the pain. It’s also the true healing and growth that I apparently had to experience. Now, I’m OK with it—perhaps even glad—for I learned great life lessons quite early. And while I still may not be perfectly in tune, I can honestly say that I never hesitate to stop, listen to that clanging bell, and try to discern its call.”
We sat quietly for a few moments. I stared at this beautiful, trusting young woman. I tried to picture Dianna 30 years older. Did sharing my experience help her? Will it shelter her from the storms? In 30 years will she sit with another young woman and have a similar conversation?
What do you think readers? Write to me. I’m living to know…
“Experience has taught me a few things…listen to your gut no matter how good something sounds on paper. And…sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.” ~ Donald Trump
“So Mrs. Roddy, explain to me again how that works. Charles and Sandra are wonderful people, great friends of mine, educated, hard working, and come from good families. I like them! How is it that my body is giving me a “heads-up” to get out from under their drama?”
“Well, honey, it’s complicated…and yet, it isn’t. Nothing magical or mystical about it—it’s science. Our brains are wonderful computers. Data is coming in from more sources than your eyes and ears can process. But your brain is processing this information all the time even if you are not fully aware.
“It has nothing to do with Charles and Sandra being deceptive with you. I’d bet they’re sincere, truly value your advice, and think you can help them. What’s not to like?
“From where I’m sitting, as a spectator to this story, I wouldn’t even concern myself with the details of Charles and Sandra’s motives. We do that too often—we ‘over intellectualize.’”
Dianna frowned. “Over intellectualize?”
“Yes. Mr. Roddy used to chastise me about that. I’d want to know the WHY about something concerning human interaction—mine or other people’s. Especially if that interaction felt uncomfortable. Bill would roll his eyes and ask me, ‘what difference does WHY make? That potential client you just had lunch with was nice. But you’ve come home tired, irritable, and cranky. Clearly there is something going on with them that your eyes and ears might not have heard. But the deeper part of your brain heard it!’”
I sighed. “So honey, hear me when I tell you, in the past I’ve been guilty of not following my own advice. I’ve learned a powerful lesson in the process.”
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” – Dr. Seuss
“Mrs. Roddy? You know there is something of a personal nature that I wanted to run by you and see what you think…”
Oh how this young woman has evolved! I mentored her in 1998 when she was 15 years old. At that time, she had struggles with her family—her mom in particular. “Dianna” (she asked that I not reveal her real name), was steeped in anger and confusion.
Now she’s a mature young woman. She’s a college graduate and works in the health care industry. Around Halloween 2011, she called my mobile, surprised that I still had the same number. We’ve had lunch several times since then. It’s been a joy to reconnect with her; so wonderful to see her smile. We’d just finished talking up the pleasantries—her career, her recent Florida vacation, and my new projects. Now she needed my advice.
“Go right ahead, honey—ask away.”
“I have two good friends, ‘Charles’ and ‘Sandra.’ They’ve dated for a few months now. Things seem to be going OK, but….
She shrugged and shook her head. “When they have a squabble, each calls and asks if I’ve spoken to the other. Then, they each tell me the TRUE version of what went down. Each asks my opinion on what they should do about the ‘situation’ since, ‘Dianna, I know you’ll tell me the straight up deal.’
“I gotta tell ya Mrs. Roddy, I’m feeling uncomfortable being in the middle of this. Something about it doesn’t feel right! I appreciate that both like and respect me enough to think I could be a mediator. But lately, my stomach kind of turns over whenever the caller ID says it’s one of them. What do you think I should do?”
I didn’t mean to laugh. I quickly composed myself and explained my grin. “Honey, you don’t need my advice. Your body is your best counsel. What is it saying?”
She looked out across the restaurant for a moment. “Being stuck in the middle is literally sickening. I remember you telling me years ago, ‘trust your gut, your body doesn’t lie.’ I thought I knew what that meant…”
“And now?”
She took a big breath, exhaled, and sighed.
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” — William Shakespeare
I marvel at our young “mystery” man’s growth and maturity. His expanding wisdom as a man committed to living as his child’s beacon of light —that is life changing! Let me share his latest profile in courage:
“Bill told me you face a new challenge raising your daughter.”
Our young friend had joined us for breakfast. He grinned.
“Well…yes, and no. I’m learning that challenges, whether it’s in parenting, business, or just life, give us another opportunity to get creative. This creative opportunity happens to be in parenting.”
Now it was my turn to grin. “Oh, so you’ve created a new parenting skill? The world needs to hear positive solutions to the ongoing saga of ‘how do I keep my kids (and me) sane and healthy.’ Please…tell us!”
“My daughter was hyper when she returned from her weekend visits with her mother and siblings. I know her mother’s home is higher energy than mine. My daughter has siblings to play with, and squabble with at her mom’s. She returns to my home buzzing with a little too much high energy.
“It was a real problem for a few weeks because her school attendance suffered. Monday morning I’d pick her up from her mom’s and she had difficulty settling down in school. It took about 48 hours for my calm child to return.
“So I thought about how I enjoy this radio station on the Internet that I programmed to play nature sounds—rushing water, ocean waves, birds singing. I left it on one night in her room. She slept through the night and was calm and peaceful the next day. Now she asks me, ‘Daddy, can you leave that station on tonight? I really like it. It helps me fall asleep.’”
“Very wise, my young friend. What’s the name of this station?”
“It has many of genres of music. Just pick ‘Nature’ if you like those soothing sounds.”
Amazing. Creative. Phenomenal parenting.
Love it…
“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” – Carl Jung
“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance.” — Deepak Chopra
I had an invaluable experience last week. Within that experience I learned more than I’ve ever known about:
One of my pet peeves is when I fail to follow through on a promise and I don’t own that failure. Doesn’t matter if it’s business or personal, it’s humiliating to feel I’ve let someone down. But I learned a long time ago that I feel worse if I don’t call/write and admit I dropped the ball.
Perhaps you can relate?
So I make a conscious effort to do just that…I call/contact them. I do that because I would want others to show me that same courtesy.
This week on FaceBook I posted a status requesting the following:
“If you are a grown person, simply say to me, ‘Gail, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to follow through on what I promised.’”
It was a generic request. I meant that with that simple statement to me, my capacity to forgive and forget would be just about limitless. I had no particular person in mind in sending that request. To my amazement, four people I know direct messaged me and apologized for some trespass against me that I don’t even remember!
What do I make of this? Seems we are all looking for the same thing from others AND ourselves: Acceptance, Patience, Respect, Trust, Encouragement.
Imagine that…
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