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My 87-year-old Mom’s Advice to Entrepreneurs

May 21, 2012

“As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.” ~ Zachary Scott

I love talking with entrepreneurs! Doesn’t matter—young folk or the more mature person leaping into, “I want to be my own boss!” I love immersion in the excitement mixed with the real fear of the unknown.

Yesterday, we had brunch with “Maya.” She’s trying to find the precise combo of timing and financial means to leave her corporate position and launch her part-time business into a full-time enterprise.

As she struggles to decide the precise time to fully launch her business, Maya looked to me (and Bill) for advice.

“How do I decide if and when this is the right thing to do?”

It’s impossible to tell her how. We can only tell her that 15 years ago, Bill and I simply decided to:

Dive in and start swimming toward the other shore

We knew there was a possibility of drowning before we reached the other side. So be it—standing safely on the shore ceased being an option in our life.

I shared an old story with Maya. When I was 21, I decided to travel around Europe for 3 weeks in July. None of my peers could accompany me.

“I wonder if Mom would like to go? Wow. Wouldn’t that be a blast?”

Mom was thrilled that as a 21-year-old I wanted to spend 3 weeks in Europe with my mother. We made plans to go. Then she changed her mind. She wouldn’t go.

I went on my European jaunt…alone.

Mom and I have spoken of that fateful trip (and her regret) numerous times over the years. I called Mom this afternoon and told her I’d shared the story and the regret with Maya.

“Mom, I know you’ve said that not going to Europe with me was one of the biggest regrets of your life. That if you could go back, if you knew then what you know now, you’d never pass up such an opportunity.

“Tell me what I can tell Maya. Give her some advice from your perspective.”

Silence on the phone line. Uh oh. Did I dredge a painful memory?

Mom chuckled. “I wish someone had given me this advice all those years ago. Tell Maya to get a blank sheet of paper. Write CON at the top of the page on the left side and PRO on the right side. Tell Maya that this would have been my list:”

CON

My husband doesn’t want me to go to Europe

He might fall asleep with a lit cigarette and burn down our house

He might fall asleep leaving food cooking on the stove and burn down our house

I might lose all the “stuff” I’ve worked so hard for

I alone am responsible to keep the peace in my marriage

I alone am responsible to insure my husband’s peace of mind

He might need me

He might get sick

He will pout for weeks when I return home

I’m worried there will be hell (and bills) to pay

Just thinking about what I might lose is so painful

PRO

My smart, adventurous, grown woman child wants to share the trip of a lifetime with ME…I may never get another chance to do it

I have the money

My smart, adventurous, grown woman child wants to share the trip of a lifetime with ME…I may never get another chance to do it

I have the vacation time

My smart, adventurous, grown woman child wants to share the trip of a lifetime with ME…I may never get another chance to do it

If he burns down the house, we have insurance

My smart, adventurous, grown woman child wants to share the trip of a lifetime with ME…I may never get another chance to do it

If he burns down the house, that may be his inspiration to quit smoking

My smart, adventurous, grown woman child wants to share the trip of a lifetime with ME…I may never get another chance to do it

The mere thought of this trip makes my heart leap with joy

“Mom! So what do you think Maya’s list will tell Maya?”

“Maya will know, honey—Maya will know. Let her find out for herself.

Just like I did…”

People, Ethics, and Business

“If the career you have chosen has some unexpected inconvenience, console yourself by reflecting that no career is without them.”

~ Jane Fonda

“I have a business question for you Mrs. Roddy. It’s actually a people issue.”

Another young entrepreneur had lunch with me today. I’m proud that these young men and women feel they can share anything with me—business and personal. He looked up from the menu. I could feel his urgency to understand and resolve a dilemma.

“I connected with a network group that has brought me lots of business clients. I’m struggling with one thing, though. I give the client the contract, they read it, sign it, and then still expect me to provide additional not-agreed-upon services once I’m on the site.

“It’s puts me in a difficult bind, Mrs. Roddy. I bring a crew, we have a certain amount of time to finish the job, and I have to pay the crew. The client seems to think it’s no big deal for us to spend another hour or more on details. I don’t get why people don’t understand a contract. If they want that additional service, I’m happy to provide…just not for free. Am I wrong?”

“That is one thing we’ve all had to deal with in the beginning of our businesses,” I responded. “I know exactly the frustration you feel. You are right.”

“I’m starting to wonder about this particular group of clients. Those clients asking for free services make complaints to the networking group that referred me as though I’m cheating them or something.”

“Everything is itemized in the contract?”

“Everything. I’ve already lost some income. Since I’m on the site, I’ve gone ahead and provided the extra service with the client’s promise that they would pay me. Most didn’t pay for that extra, Mrs. Roddy.”

“You know what? Rather than just give you my thoughts, let me put out a FB request to some truly savvy business strategists I know. Let’s see what they have to say!”

Elder Wisdom (part 1 of 2)

“Use what talent you possess. The world would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang loudest.” ~ Henry Van Dyke

Much of the last decade, I went through a dark night of the soul. I felt like a failure.

Yep…

I replayed these desperate thoughts: “I’m getting older, it’s the beginning of the 21^st century, time is running out for me. By this age…

I should have advanced degrees…even though I don’t want them
I should have a mansion on a hill…even though I don’t want one
I should be taking exotic vacations…even though I don’t care to
I should have parlayed my talent into millions of dollars into our bank account…and I haven’t succeeded (even though I’ve tried)
I should have letters behind my name, a corner office on some 10^th floor, plaques on the wall that cite awards from CNBC, Entrepreneur Magazine, the Governor, the President, the Dalai Lama, Oprah Winfrey…and I don’t really care that I don’t have

Shame. On. Me.

Wanna know what brought on these recriminations? I have one major talent, a talent I’ve known about most of my life, a talent that when I allow its expression, brings me immense satisfaction, peace, and joy.

But much of our culture thinks my talent is…worthless, because my talent isn’t razzle/dazzle. It can’t be bottled, packaged, marketed, hung on the wall, and sold to the highest bidder.

So I was stuck in this loop of thinking, “Since our culture views my talent worthless, I need to give it up, concentrate on cultivating another talent, one the world will value. To do any less is to be a failure.”

Yesterday, while having lunch with Dara Moore Beevas, I was reminded of my talent, how much I love expressing it. As I listened to beautiful, brilliant, young Dara speak of her longings, her joys, her frustrations, her satisfactions, my mind drifted back to that night 4 years ago, and the event that ended my self-shaming…

Father Wisdom

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” — William Shakespeare

I marvel at our young “mystery” man’s growth and maturity. His expanding wisdom as a man committed to living as his child’s beacon of light —that is life changing! Let me share his latest profile in courage:

“Bill told me you face a new challenge raising your daughter.”

Our young friend had joined us for breakfast. He grinned.

“Well…yes, and no. I’m learning that challenges, whether it’s in parenting, business, or just life, give us another opportunity to get creative. This creative opportunity happens to be in parenting.”

Now it was my turn to grin. “Oh, so you’ve created a new parenting skill? The world needs to hear positive solutions to the ongoing saga of ‘how do I keep my kids (and me) sane and healthy.’ Please…tell us!”

“My daughter was hyper when she returned from her weekend visits with her mother and siblings. I know her mother’s home is higher energy than mine. My daughter has siblings to play with, and squabble with at her mom’s. She returns to my home buzzing with a little too much high energy.

“It was a real problem for a few weeks because her school attendance suffered. Monday morning I’d pick her up from her mom’s and she had difficulty settling down in school. It took about 48 hours for my calm child to return.

“So I thought about how I enjoy this radio station on the Internet that I programmed to play nature sounds—rushing water, ocean waves, birds singing. I left it on one night in her room. She slept through the night and was calm and peaceful the next day. Now she asks me, ‘Daddy, can you leave that station on tonight? I really like it. It helps me fall asleep.’”

“Very wise, my young friend. What’s the name of this station?”

www.pandora.com

“It has many of genres of music. Just pick ‘Nature’ if you like those soothing sounds.”

Amazing. Creative. Phenomenal parenting.

Love it…

People Partnering Productively

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” – Carl Jung

“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance.” — Deepak Chopra

I had an invaluable experience last week. Within that experience I learned more than I’ve ever known about:

Acceptance
Patience
Respect
Trust
Encouragement

One of my pet peeves is when I fail to follow through on a promise and I don’t own that failure. Doesn’t matter if it’s business or personal, it’s humiliating to feel I’ve let someone down. But I learned a long time ago that I feel worse if I don’t call/write and admit I dropped the ball.

Perhaps you can relate?

So I make a conscious effort to do just that…I call/contact them. I do that because I would want others to show me that same courtesy.

This week on FaceBook I posted a status requesting the following:

“If you are a grown person, simply say to me, ‘Gail, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to follow through on what I promised.’”

It was a generic request. I meant that with that simple statement to me, my capacity to forgive and forget would be just about limitless. I had no particular person in mind in sending that request. To my amazement, four people I know direct messaged me and apologized for some trespass against me that I don’t even remember!

What do I make of this? Seems we are all looking for the same thing from others AND ourselves: Acceptance, Patience, Respect, Trust, Encouragement.

Imagine that…

Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood

by Coach Denny Welter

We all have great people who passed through our lives when we were young. Some were of worldly esteem; most were not.

But all cared to share whatever they had with us. Some shared money; some shared time; some shared a simple kind word or phrase of encouragement or just random acts of kindness.

Their influence was immeasurable. We have never forgotten it.

If they are still alive, find them and tell them how much they mean to your life. If they have passed on, tell them anyway. Either way your words will touch them and they will be in awe that their humble sharing meant so much!

“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”

57. Many years have passed and the past is the past.

58. My grandfather’s values are how we live our lives. They taught me a lot.

59. Bill’s biological father Larry (Butch) worked at the Ford Motor Company plant in Indiana.

60. Aunt Sam taught me one of the most valuable skills in life – learning to read another person’s body language to be able to tell if they accepted you or rejected you. She taught me this skill without so much as ever saying a word. Aunt Sam was our family’s spiritual and emotional healer.

61. Meeting his biological father was a very healing event for Bill.

62. Baseball is about swinging the bat, not standing up there waiting for a walk. (Dale’s attitude)

63. Be the best man you can be.

64. Make sure you thank people who have helped you.

65. Values start in the home. Mrs. Grass’ kindness taught me that. (Chocolate chip cookies made with unconditional love by an angel)

66. What does it mean to be a patriarch?

67. Tennis is not an easy sport, but it is a great game. Tennis and humility.