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Friendship Asks For Love

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“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”     – Dr. Seuss   

 

“Mrs. Roddy? You know there is something of a personal nature that I wanted to run by you and see what you think…”

Oh how this young woman has evolved! I mentored her in 1998 when she was 15 years old. At that time, she had struggles with her family—her mom in particular. “Dianna” (she asked that I not reveal her real name), was steeped in anger and confusion.

Now she’s a mature young woman. She’s a college graduate and works in the health care industry. Around Halloween 2011, she called my mobile, surprised that I still had the same number. We’ve had lunch several times since then. It’s been a joy to reconnect with her; so wonderful to see her smile.  We’d just finished talking up the pleasantries—her career, her recent Florida vacation, and my new projects. Now she needed my advice.

“Go right ahead, honey—ask away.”

“I have two good friends, ‘Charles’ and ‘Sandra.’  They’ve dated for a few months now. Things seem to be going OK, but….

She shrugged and shook her head. “When they have a squabble, each calls and asks if I’ve spoken to the other. Then, they each tell me the TRUE version of what went down. Each asks my opinion on what they should do about the ‘situation’ since, ‘Dianna, I know you’ll tell me the straight up deal.’

“I gotta tell ya Mrs. Roddy, I’m feeling uncomfortable being in the middle of this. Something about it doesn’t feel right! I appreciate that both like and respect me enough to think I could be a mediator. But lately, my stomach kind of turns over whenever the caller ID says it’s one of them. What do you think I should do?”

I didn’t mean to laugh. I quickly composed myself and explained my grin. “Honey, you don’t need my advice. Your body is your best counsel. What is it saying?”

She looked out across the restaurant for a moment. “Being stuck in the middle is literally sickening. I remember you telling me years ago, ‘trust your gut, your body doesn’t lie.’ I thought I knew what that meant…”

“And now?”

She took a big breath, exhaled, and sighed.

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Love Under Construction – Kitchen

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February 10, 2012

“Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you and be silent.”    — Epictetus

 

Today, Bill Roddy joined our young “mystery” man and me. I prepared lunch. We sat at the table and passed around a large bowl filled with greens, avocado, tomato, and broccoli.

Our young friend chuckled. “I remember the first few times Bill took me out to lunch. I was just a kid. To me lunch was burgers and fries at a fast food joint. I didn’t say anything, but I remember thinking, ‘why are we eating here? And he doesn’t really think I’m going to eat that rabbit food stuff?’”

“Bill always had a large salad for lunch. I thought that was the weirdest thing; especially for a guy. But Bill ate that salad like it was the most delicious meal in the world! It wasn’t long before I copied his behavior when I went to lunch with him. I don’t know, maybe it took a couple of years, but I started doing the same thing even when I ate alone!”

Bill sat silent, smiling his sly smile.

“I could tell you thought I was making you eat something horrible.” We all laughed.  “Remember those first few lunches? I let you eat your burgers and fries. I didn’t even suggest that you eat what I was eating.  I learned a long time ago that influence is best when it is silent and consistent.”

I laughed. “So, Mr. Salad Man! You’re gonna tell me that your Action Asset #4 means your future wife must be a nuts and berries eating vegetarian? Good luck with that one, my young friend!”

“No, I admit Action Asset #4 will probably be a bonus for me,” he said.

Bill and I chimed in together. “Huh?”  

“I’ve noticed that women generally eat healthier than guys do, anyway. Women are usually way ahead of us on this one. So if she has the previous Action Assets, odds are she will probably have started healthy eating long before I did. I bet her kitchen construction tools will teach me a lot.”

We couldn’t agree more.

 

Next post: Valentine’s Day, Tuesday, February 14th.   Action Asset #5  – the Master Bedroom – connection with intimacy

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Love Under Construction – The Foundation

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January 30, 2012

 Love Under Construction – The Foundation

 

Our young “mystery” man was late for our meeting at the local coffee establishment. But soon he arrived, flushed from hurrying!

“Sorry, I’m late, Mrs. Roddy. You know I work out at the health club each morning. Mondays are busy. It was hard to get the shower and get dressed. Everyone is trying to atone for weekend excesses!”

I laughed. “I know what you mean.  Working out, staying physically fit is an important component in your life, isn’t it?”

“Yes.  I’ve enjoyed the physical fitness of participation in team sports as a teen. Now that I’m older, I see it from a different angle. I know it’s important for my health and well-being. And I need to set an example for my child, too. How will she know physical fitness is important for her health unless I show her?”

I felt a bit of sadness. “Yes, and I see too many of your female peers worried about working out, sweating, thus destroying an expensive-to-get-and-maintain hairstyle. Some spend so many of their hard earned dollars at the hair salon and so few at the health club.”

Abruptly, he put down his coffee cup.  “That’s my #1 Action Asset, Mrs. Roddy! I want my relationship and marriage to involve the two of us working out at the health club several times a week. My future wife doesn’t need to maintain a particular dress size. She doesn’t need to workout the same way that I do. But she needs to exercise several days a week valuing her health, our health, more than valuing an expensive hairstyle!”

“My young friend, your #1 Action Asset should set a great Foundation for your Love Under Construction home of peace, joy, and health!”

 

Next post: Friday, February 3. The foundation is set – Our young man explains #2 Action Asset 

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