It’s so important for couples to thank one another for all the helpful things we do to keep our marriage, our hearth, and our health on a positive course!
It matters…it matter a lot!
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Protecting Marriage During Emotional Challenges!
Protecting a marriage and a family goes beyond the concerns of the physical needs for:
Food
Shelter
Clothing
In a marital relationship, we also need to protect one another from the emotional challenges of life.
Gail and I sometimes feel sad, angry, frustrated, and stressed from events beyond our control. We know that those are human feelings and that they ebb and flow in our lives. Of course, this means these stressful events and emotions will ebb and flow within our marital relationship.
It’s impossible to protect one another from the stressful events and the emotions thereby created. Gail and I are grown folks—we know and accept that we must step up and recognize the importance of striving to deal with our emotions in a healthy manner. If we don’t step up, if we don’t create emotional safety for each other…what’s the point of even being together?
That’s a huge part of providing for a family.
Sometimes, we get so caught up in our stress; it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. That’s OK…it happens.
Sometimes, all we need is a little “nudge” from the other spouse to help bring the marital sailboat around to an even keel.
My Manhood Moment video, Emotional Protection Matters In Marriage, says it all!
A Time To Reflect on the Past!
Please read this wonderful the University of Chicago Magazine article.
Several months after I completed my memoir, Manhood From the Hood, I found out that Mike Fourcher’s dad in 1971 had taken many photos of my “hood” in inner city Chicago. Back then the University of Illinois called it the “Valley” because they had setup a clinic in our neighborhood. We never knew this is what they called our neighborhood. We just lived our lives and this is the area where I learned my values. So much of my book is dedicated to this area while living in the “Valley.” This was our “village” and I am proud to have experienced growing in this area during the 60′s. Please view the photos after you read the article.
Please click on link to read full article.
http://magazine.uchicago.edu/1110/kelly_lost-and-found.shtml
Parents R Us!
Once upon a time, youth held me true
Teasing my dad (did you do that too?)
I’d point, “Dad, that grey in your beard is telling on you!
I feel sad you’re so old
Your best years a memory
Dad, don’t you long to be ME
Fit, fine, and willowy?”
I’ve never forgotten my father’s retort
The memory resounds
With fatherly patience, eyes downcast,
Dad quietly responds
“Daughter, if the earth below you keeps rounding the sun
If the air through your nose keeps expanding your lungs
Then some youngster will tease YOU as YOUR knees creak
And you can answer yourself, that question so deep!”
Relationships R Us
A dear friend quizzed me a few days ago
“Gail, I have just one thing I would sure like to know”
“When it comes to marriage, particularly your own
Is it a slam-dunk…would you claim it a success?
Or are there times you wish a return to a life of singleness?”
I furrowed my brow as I pondered while mute
Marriage, parenting, family and friends
These relationships flow through all our lives beginning to end
How do I answer her question and tell her the truth?
“Ah, my friend,” I finally responded
“Over the years, various connections with people have entered my life
Some connections are fluid, supportive; others are filled with strife”
“But one thing I know from the light in my heart
I do savor my marriage to Bill Roddy, until death do us part
And if I am the one rendered single that day
I can sit here before you and honestly say
No greater joy, no greater success hath this woman known
Than marriage, where sharing, comfort, and compassion have consistently grown”
Excerpts From Manhood From the Hood
The last several Mondays I have enjoyed posting the excerpts from Bill’s book, Manhood From the Hood. Bill’s book inspired me to reflect on my life, my family values and the many high school youth I have had the honor to coach over the years. These are my last post and thanks for taking the time to read them.
“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”
69. What type of husband and father will I be?
70.What is an introspective journey?
71. Through my 8 year friendship with Gail Lamb, I was forced to learn how to develop an authentic, loving, caring, platonic relationship with a woman.
72. Remain independent. Make your own decisions. Never ask anyone to so something for you that you can do for yourself.
73. To be an ambassador for the values my grandparents, aunts, and other adult mentors in our community, who cared about young people taught me while I was growing up in Chicago.
74. In July of 1997 – we founded Osiris Organization with great hopes for the future of our youth and our country.
Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood
We all have great people who passed through our lives when we were young. Some were of worldly esteem; most were not.
But all cared to share whatever they had with us. Some shared money; some shared time; some shared a simple kind word or phrase of encouragement or just random acts of kindness.
Their influence was immeasurable. We have never forgotten it.
If they are still alive, find them and tell them how much they mean to your life. If they have passed on, tell them anyway. Either way your words will touch them and they will be in awe that their humble sharing meant so much!
“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”
57. Many years have passed and the past is the past.
58. My grandfather’s values are how we live our lives. They taught me a lot.
59. Bill’s biological father Larry (Butch) worked at the Ford Motor Company plant in Indiana.
60. Aunt Sam taught me one of the most valuable skills in life – learning to read another person’s body language to be able to tell if they accepted you or rejected you. She taught me this skill without so much as ever saying a word. Aunt Sam was our family’s spiritual and emotional healer.
61. Meeting his biological father was a very healing event for Bill.
62. Baseball is about swinging the bat, not standing up there waiting for a walk. (Dale’s attitude)
63. Be the best man you can be.
64. Make sure you thank people who have helped you.
65. Values start in the home. Mrs. Grass’ kindness taught me that. (Chocolate chip cookies made with unconditional love by an angel)
66. What does it mean to be a patriarch?
67. Tennis is not an easy sport, but it is a great game. Tennis and humility.
Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood
It was a thrill watching the U.S. Gymnastics Championships this past weekend at the Excel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. To see those young women (and men) compete!
It was only the last twenty-five years of the 21st century that women truly began to be celebrated for their sports achievement.
Sixteen-year-old Jordyn Wieber captured the U.S all-around crown. Her coach, John Geddert cheered her on, wearing a purple shirt that matched her leotard.
I wonder how coaching young women is different from coaching young men? Maybe there isn’t a difference.
Any coaches care to weigh in? Let the discussion begin!!
More from Coach Denny Welter and why he was so inspired by Bill’s stories of grandfather Roddy.
47. The value of having a great friend.
48. Some of you are skipping classes, but you are only short-changing yourselves. You will need more than basketball in your lives. You will need your education to make it in this world. “Let basketball be a vehicle that you can use to improve your life by taking you to places you only dreamt of. Use basketball, but don’t let basketball use you.” – Coach Vaughn
49. Teachers and coaches worked together to help us mature and succeed.
50. The point guard position is a reflection of the coach on the floor. (Adam)
51. We learn a lot about ourselves from failures and disappointments.
52. Use failure to motivate you. Learn from your failures. Learn from all of life’s experiences.
53. Coach Feely and I talked about the importance of education, family values, working hard, and the contacts I would make in college that would last a lifetime.
54. My grandfather and Coach Feely had similar values. They came from different worlds and were raised in totally different environments. Did similar values transcend racial, economic, political, religious views and social barriers? What was it about family values that caused us to seek out others like ourselves? Was such seeking a verification and validation of those values? Or was it just a trait wired into our DNA that compelled us to desire a sense of belonging to one another?
55. After college, what will my life be like?
56. The value of being a good mentor and role model for younger siblings.
57. Many years have passed and the past is the past.
Time Well Spent
Over the weekend I took my son Cordell to Wild Mountain in Taylor Falls, Minnesota. He told me numerous of times about how much fun he was having, you could also see the excitement on his face. We started off by riding the go carts, he couldn’t drive one on his own because he did not meet the height requirement, so he rode with me. The laughing and the smiles of joy did not stop once while we were circling the track. The water slides were followed by the go cart riding, he went down each water slide on his own. We each had our own tube to go down the slides, he really enjoyed that. He was genuinely happy and he had the time of his life.
Cordell is in the YMCA’s summer program so he goes on field trips all of the time. He has been to: Twins games, movies, different waterparks, museums, and many more places. He has enjoyed all of the field trips that he has been on but I have a feeling that our trip over the weekend was his favorite one of the summer, mainly because he was spending time with his Dad.
I had a great time as well and I concluded that no matter where you send your kid(s) for the summer to have fun, they will have the best time with their parents, at least in their younger years.
Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood
Webster’s II New College Dictionary defines “coach” as “one who gives private instruction…a private tutor.”
That kind of reminds us of the role of a parent. We give our children private instruction—we tutor them.
So even if you’ve never officially been a coach on the sports field, if you are a parent, you are a coach as well!
More from Coach Denny Welter and why he was so inspired by Bill’s stories of grandfather Roddy.
36. Don’t ask for something that you can do for yourself.
37. Never accept anything from anyone that you don’t earn.
38. How to refrain from getting young girls pregnant and should focus on going to college.
39. Make something out of yourself by going to college and getting an education.
40. My grandparents never talked to us about finances.
41. Study halls were temporary holding pens as far as I was concerned. Respect education.
42. Obey the family values or there will be hell to pay. Case closed.
43. Live under my grandparent’s strict, non-negotiable code of values.
44. Basketball is a chess game in motion. You have to use your mind and intelligence to perform consistently and grow as a player. First you have to master the fundamentals and then the sky is the limit. Becoming a great basketball player is a long process. It takes dedication and many hours of practice.
45. Use education to better yourself.
46. Ernest – What we talked about when we were together was more important than the amount of time we spent together.
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