It’s so important for couples to thank one another for all the helpful things we do to keep our marriage, our hearth, and our health on a positive course!
It matters…it matter a lot!
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People Partnering Productively
“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” – Carl Jung
“Nothing brings down walls as surely as acceptance.” — Deepak Chopra
I had an invaluable experience last week. Within that experience I learned more than I’ve ever known about:
- Acceptance
- Patience
- Respect
- Trust
- Encouragement
One of my pet peeves is when I fail to follow through on a promise and I don’t own that failure. Doesn’t matter if it’s business or personal, it’s humiliating to feel I’ve let someone down. But I learned a long time ago that I feel worse if I don’t call/write and admit I dropped the ball.
Perhaps you can relate?
So I make a conscious effort to do just that…I call/contact them. I do that because I would want others to show me that same courtesy.
This week on FaceBook I posted a status requesting the following:
“If you are a grown person, simply say to me, ‘Gail, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to follow through on what I promised.’”
It was a generic request. I meant that with that simple statement to me, my capacity to forgive and forget would be just about limitless. I had no particular person in mind in sending that request. To my amazement, four people I know direct messaged me and apologized for some trespass against me that I don’t even remember!
What do I make of this? Seems we are all looking for the same thing from others AND ourselves: Acceptance, Patience, Respect, Trust, Encouragement.
Imagine that…
Love Under Construction – Kitchen
February 10, 2012
“Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you and be silent.” — Epictetus
Today, Bill Roddy joined our young “mystery” man and me. I prepared lunch. We sat at the table and passed around a large bowl filled with greens, avocado, tomato, and broccoli.
Our young friend chuckled. “I remember the first few times Bill took me out to lunch. I was just a kid. To me lunch was burgers and fries at a fast food joint. I didn’t say anything, but I remember thinking, ‘why are we eating here? And he doesn’t really think I’m going to eat that rabbit food stuff?’”
“Bill always had a large salad for lunch. I thought that was the weirdest thing; especially for a guy. But Bill ate that salad like it was the most delicious meal in the world! It wasn’t long before I copied his behavior when I went to lunch with him. I don’t know, maybe it took a couple of years, but I started doing the same thing even when I ate alone!”
Bill sat silent, smiling his sly smile.
“I could tell you thought I was making you eat something horrible.” We all laughed. “Remember those first few lunches? I let you eat your burgers and fries. I didn’t even suggest that you eat what I was eating. I learned a long time ago that influence is best when it is silent and consistent.”
I laughed. “So, Mr. Salad Man! You’re gonna tell me that your Action Asset #4 means your future wife must be a nuts and berries eating vegetarian? Good luck with that one, my young friend!”
“No, I admit Action Asset #4 will probably be a bonus for me,” he said.
Bill and I chimed in together. “Huh?”
“I’ve noticed that women generally eat healthier than guys do, anyway. Women are usually way ahead of us on this one. So if she has the previous Action Assets, odds are she will probably have started healthy eating long before I did. I bet her kitchen construction tools will teach me a lot.”
We couldn’t agree more.
Next post: Valentine’s Day, Tuesday, February 14th. Action Asset #5 – the Master Bedroom – connection with intimacy
Mentoring with Love
“Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity: yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.” Sydney J. Harris
We know a young “mystery” man. He wants to be a (good) husband. That’s right…..
He’s seeking guidance on how to become the ideal husband.
Now he’s not engaged…yet…but, he is dating and open to possibilities. He knows that one of the best ways to create success in ANY life endeavor is to learn from those who are already LIVING the dream. AND, he know that he is likely to attract his future wife once he gathers the right tools for building a life-long relationship.
You are a Marriage Mentor. You have experienced the joys of marriage and you’ve overcome the struggles. What were the lessons you learned?
Take our Marriage Mentor Survey. Our young “mystery” man will read every word of wisdom passed his way. And think: you will have participated in helping create one more healthy family the world needs!
Next blog post on Thursday, January 26: Our young “mystery” man explains his Action Assets
A Time To Reflect on the Past!
Please read this wonderful the University of Chicago Magazine article.
Several months after I completed my memoir, Manhood From the Hood, I found out that Mike Fourcher’s dad in 1971 had taken many photos of my “hood” in inner city Chicago. Back then the University of Illinois called it the “Valley” because they had setup a clinic in our neighborhood. We never knew this is what they called our neighborhood. We just lived our lives and this is the area where I learned my values. So much of my book is dedicated to this area while living in the “Valley.” This was our “village” and I am proud to have experienced growing in this area during the 60′s. Please view the photos after you read the article.
Please click on link to read full article.
http://magazine.uchicago.edu/1110/kelly_lost-and-found.shtml
Parents R Us!
Once upon a time, youth held me true
Teasing my dad (did you do that too?)
I’d point, “Dad, that grey in your beard is telling on you!
I feel sad you’re so old
Your best years a memory
Dad, don’t you long to be ME
Fit, fine, and willowy?”
I’ve never forgotten my father’s retort
The memory resounds
With fatherly patience, eyes downcast,
Dad quietly responds
“Daughter, if the earth below you keeps rounding the sun
If the air through your nose keeps expanding your lungs
Then some youngster will tease YOU as YOUR knees creak
And you can answer yourself, that question so deep!”
Excerpts From Manhood From the Hood
The last several Mondays I have enjoyed posting the excerpts from Bill’s book, Manhood From the Hood. Bill’s book inspired me to reflect on my life, my family values and the many high school youth I have had the honor to coach over the years. These are my last post and thanks for taking the time to read them.
“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”
69. What type of husband and father will I be?
70.What is an introspective journey?
71. Through my 8 year friendship with Gail Lamb, I was forced to learn how to develop an authentic, loving, caring, platonic relationship with a woman.
72. Remain independent. Make your own decisions. Never ask anyone to so something for you that you can do for yourself.
73. To be an ambassador for the values my grandparents, aunts, and other adult mentors in our community, who cared about young people taught me while I was growing up in Chicago.
74. In July of 1997 – we founded Osiris Organization with great hopes for the future of our youth and our country.
Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood
We all have great people who passed through our lives when we were young. Some were of worldly esteem; most were not.
But all cared to share whatever they had with us. Some shared money; some shared time; some shared a simple kind word or phrase of encouragement or just random acts of kindness.
Their influence was immeasurable. We have never forgotten it.
If they are still alive, find them and tell them how much they mean to your life. If they have passed on, tell them anyway. Either way your words will touch them and they will be in awe that their humble sharing meant so much!
“More excerpts from Manhood From the Hood by Coach Welter.”
57. Many years have passed and the past is the past.
58. My grandfather’s values are how we live our lives. They taught me a lot.
59. Bill’s biological father Larry (Butch) worked at the Ford Motor Company plant in Indiana.
60. Aunt Sam taught me one of the most valuable skills in life – learning to read another person’s body language to be able to tell if they accepted you or rejected you. She taught me this skill without so much as ever saying a word. Aunt Sam was our family’s spiritual and emotional healer.
61. Meeting his biological father was a very healing event for Bill.
62. Baseball is about swinging the bat, not standing up there waiting for a walk. (Dale’s attitude)
63. Be the best man you can be.
64. Make sure you thank people who have helped you.
65. Values start in the home. Mrs. Grass’ kindness taught me that. (Chocolate chip cookies made with unconditional love by an angel)
66. What does it mean to be a patriarch?
67. Tennis is not an easy sport, but it is a great game. Tennis and humility.
Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood
It was a thrill watching the U.S. Gymnastics Championships this past weekend at the Excel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. To see those young women (and men) compete!
It was only the last twenty-five years of the 21st century that women truly began to be celebrated for their sports achievement.
Sixteen-year-old Jordyn Wieber captured the U.S all-around crown. Her coach, John Geddert cheered her on, wearing a purple shirt that matched her leotard.
I wonder how coaching young women is different from coaching young men? Maybe there isn’t a difference.
Any coaches care to weigh in? Let the discussion begin!!
More from Coach Denny Welter and why he was so inspired by Bill’s stories of grandfather Roddy.
47. The value of having a great friend.
48. Some of you are skipping classes, but you are only short-changing yourselves. You will need more than basketball in your lives. You will need your education to make it in this world. “Let basketball be a vehicle that you can use to improve your life by taking you to places you only dreamt of. Use basketball, but don’t let basketball use you.” – Coach Vaughn
49. Teachers and coaches worked together to help us mature and succeed.
50. The point guard position is a reflection of the coach on the floor. (Adam)
51. We learn a lot about ourselves from failures and disappointments.
52. Use failure to motivate you. Learn from your failures. Learn from all of life’s experiences.
53. Coach Feely and I talked about the importance of education, family values, working hard, and the contacts I would make in college that would last a lifetime.
54. My grandfather and Coach Feely had similar values. They came from different worlds and were raised in totally different environments. Did similar values transcend racial, economic, political, religious views and social barriers? What was it about family values that caused us to seek out others like ourselves? Was such seeking a verification and validation of those values? Or was it just a trait wired into our DNA that compelled us to desire a sense of belonging to one another?
55. After college, what will my life be like?
56. The value of being a good mentor and role model for younger siblings.
57. Many years have passed and the past is the past.
Excerpts from Manhood from the Hood
Webster’s II New College Dictionary defines “coach” as “one who gives private instruction…a private tutor.”
That kind of reminds us of the role of a parent. We give our children private instruction—we tutor them.
So even if you’ve never officially been a coach on the sports field, if you are a parent, you are a coach as well!
More from Coach Denny Welter and why he was so inspired by Bill’s stories of grandfather Roddy.
36. Don’t ask for something that you can do for yourself.
37. Never accept anything from anyone that you don’t earn.
38. How to refrain from getting young girls pregnant and should focus on going to college.
39. Make something out of yourself by going to college and getting an education.
40. My grandparents never talked to us about finances.
41. Study halls were temporary holding pens as far as I was concerned. Respect education.
42. Obey the family values or there will be hell to pay. Case closed.
43. Live under my grandparent’s strict, non-negotiable code of values.
44. Basketball is a chess game in motion. You have to use your mind and intelligence to perform consistently and grow as a player. First you have to master the fundamentals and then the sky is the limit. Becoming a great basketball player is a long process. It takes dedication and many hours of practice.
45. Use education to better yourself.
46. Ernest – What we talked about when we were together was more important than the amount of time we spent together.
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