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Elder Wisdom (part 2 of 2)

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“Be proud to wear you.”  ~  Dovinsky

I have long been a dreamer…literally. My paternal and maternal grandmothers and aunts were fascinated with dreams. Dream analysis holds strong tradition among my rural Arkansas born and raised African-American female kin.

During my childhood visits to their farm, our dreams were a favorite conversation with my Grandmothers Queen and Bertha. They’d ask me, “Honey, what did you dream last night?” Great-aunt Sylvia declared, “Dreams are God’s Whispers.”

And so it was…four years ago, the following dream gave me the validation I needed to dispense with my desperate ruminations about my value in the world. I was able to let go and embrace confidence and respect for where I am, my talent, and how I move through the world…

I walked into my kitchen to find my four grandparents sitting around the table. Their heads were bowed as if in prayer. I sat down knowing that they were at my table to pass on some important wisdom to their granddaughter.

 Now my grandparents are deceased for many years. Three were born in the 1890s. I felt awe and anticipation.  I waited for them to speak to me.

Grandmother Queen slowly raised her head and looked me in the eye. “We have a confession to make.” The bowed heads were actually embarrassment and shame!

They shared humbling stories of youthful indiscretions (100 years ago?) that still generated shame. The four were also having serious marital disagreements and wanted current info about how to better get along with one’s spouse. They were serious!

Huh? Wait a minute…I’m the granddaughter. You are the wise elders. You want to confess…to ME? The ancestors seek my counsel? In the afterlife?

I was flabbergasted.

I awoke. I felt a calm and connection in that experience that welled water in my eyes.

The ancestors, the people who gave life to my body, are passing the baton to me. Time is not “running out” for me. My aging is a positive passage. Now I am perceived as wise one, an inspirer, a connector, and an elder for my family.

Some of you might think this dream is symbolic and not “real.” That’s OK —you could be correct.

But does it matter? It changed my life. Stopped my self-shaming—cold.

The world may think my talents lack razzle/dazzle. My grandparents and I are one, and my grandparents think that who I am, the things I do that make my heart and other’s hearts sing, are just about priceless.

That’s good enough for me now, too.

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Father Wisdom

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“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”  — William Shakespeare

 

I marvel at our young “mystery” man’s growth and maturity. His expanding wisdom as a man committed to living as his child’s beacon of light —that is life changing! Let me share his latest profile in courage:

“Bill told me you face a new challenge raising your daughter.”

Our young friend had joined us for breakfast. He grinned.

“Well…yes, and no. I’m learning that challenges, whether it’s in parenting, business, or just life, give us another opportunity to get creative. This creative opportunity happens to be in parenting.”

Now it was my turn to grin. “Oh, so you’ve created a new parenting skill? The world needs to hear positive solutions to the ongoing saga of ‘how do I keep my kids (and me) sane and healthy.’ Please…tell us!”

“My daughter was hyper when she returned from her weekend visits with her mother and siblings. I know her mother’s home is higher energy than mine. My daughter has siblings to play with, and squabble with at her mom’s. She returns to my home buzzing with a little too much high energy.

“It was a real problem for a few weeks because her school attendance suffered. Monday morning I’d pick her up from her mom’s and she had difficulty settling down in school. It took about 48 hours for my calm child to return.

“So I thought about how I enjoy this radio station on the Internet that I programmed to play nature sounds—rushing water, ocean waves, birds singing. I left it on one night in her room. She slept through the night and was calm and peaceful the next day. Now she asks me, ‘Daddy, can you leave that station on tonight? I really like it. It helps me fall asleep.’”

“Very wise, my young friend. What’s the name of this station?”

www.pandora.com

“It has many of genres of music. Just pick ‘Nature’ if you like those soothing sounds.”

Amazing. Creative. Phenomenal parenting.

Love it…

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Relationship Action Assets

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January 26, 2012

“Love is often the fruit of marriage.”  Moliere

 

“What in the world are these Action Assets you are looking for in a potential wife?” I asked our young mystery man.

“I think all of us have a list of qualities, ‘assets,’ we seek in a potential mate,” he replied.  “In the past I didn’t think about the fact that I was asking a young woman to have qualities that I, myself, did not possess to bring to a relationship.”

“I know now that whatever I’m seeking in a wife, I need to live those qualities myself. That’s why I call them action assets. We all have assets. But unless I’m putting them into action in my daily life, unless I’m already striving to live them, I can’t make a list and require her to measure up.”

“Does that make sense, Mrs. Roddy?”

It does indeed, my young friend. It does indeed.

 

Next post: Monday, January 30th. Our young man tells us his #1 Action Asset to construct a healthy marriage!

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Mentoring with Love

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“Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity: yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.”   Sydney J. Harris

We know a young “mystery” man. He wants to be a (good) husband. That’s right…..

He’s seeking guidance on how to become the ideal husband.

Now he’s not engaged…yet…but, he is dating and open to possibilities. He knows that one of the best ways to create success in ANY life endeavor is to learn from those who are already LIVING the dream. AND, he know that he is likely to attract his future wife once he gathers the right tools for building a life-long relationship.

You are a Marriage Mentor. You have experienced the joys of marriage and you’ve overcome the struggles. What were the lessons you learned?

Take our Marriage Mentor Survey. Our young “mystery” man will read every word of wisdom passed his way. And think: you will have participated in helping create one more healthy family the world needs!

Next blog post on Thursday, January 26: Our young “mystery” man explains his Action Assets

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