July 24, 2012
“Mrs. Roddy, I’m so frustrated with my husband, “John.”
“You know we’ve only been married for 3 years. If I’d known how he managed money…”
A young woman I mentor invited me for coffee. She said she wanted to get together and talk out her frustrations with someone experienced in “dealing with a husband.”
OK. I guess that’s me.
“We had another huge fight yesterday about money, Mrs. Roddy. John calls me a tightwad. He says I’m cheap. I say he blows through money like crazy and never thinks about the repercussions.”
“I feel for you, honey. I don’t know a married couple that is exactly on the same page when it comes to managing their money. That goes for Bill and Gail Roddy, too. I can’t say we’re worlds apart, but I’m a better money manager, more frugal than Bill, and he’d be the first to concur.”
“You need to make every effort to work it out though. That very well may include professional help. I don’t mean just a financial planner. I mean a therapist—a professional that can walk with you through your issues with money. We all have those issues and they usually go back to our family of origin and how we learned the meaning and importance of money.
“Here are a couple of resources I invite you to check out to help you get the dialogue with John started.
“The Hard Questions, 100 Essential Questions To Ask Before You Say ‘I Do’ is a book I have gifted to about 6 young women over the last few years. They were either engaged or in a committed relationship.
“It’s a small (less than 100 pages) and easy to read book. It is valuable even for couples already married.
“I think it’s interesting that Chapter 2 discusses Money perceptions. That discussion is second after Chapter 1 on Home. That means Money precedes chapters on Sex, Work, Family, Children, Community and Friends, and Spiritual Life.
Based on my many years of marital experience, I’d have put Money as Chapter 1.
“Check out this powerful little book. I like that it’s written in a non-judging manner. Young women give me feedback that their mates actually enjoyed reading it together as a couple.
This link to the Smart Money article gives tips you can share as well with John.
Please be sensitive to John’s perception. I find that in dealing with Bill, (male ego); I need to keep the information sharing light-hearted. No hard sell—no pressure. You know your mate and how he processes new information. Keep that in mind!
Take care, honey. Work on this with John. I’m certainly open if you’d like to get together in a few months!